Monday, March 25, 2013

A Letter to God

Today I am going to go with God's Divine Plan. I need to let go and let God.
Yesterday I had a plan, and no matter what, I intended to see it through.

Good morning God,

Yesterday is not a day I am proud of. I had a plan to complete the cowl I was knitting. I had a plan to wear it with my black pants and brown shirt to work on Monday. I had a plan to get the Pink Scarf Project on the knitting needles. I had a plan. God, You had other plans for me, and I wasn't listening.

Sundays vary at our house. Sometimes all is quiet and Gary and I are the only ones home. Sometimes one or two kids are home hanging out watching a movie or reading. Sometimes everyone is home and there is joyful chaos. Sundays are often good reading, writing and knitting days. I intended yesterday to be one of those Sundays.

Most of the day was reasonably quiet. One daughter at home who went out for a little while. Gary was at the computer all afternoon. I was peacefully completing the knitting of the cowl. Ah, life is good. Cowl was knitted and ready to be grafted.

That's where I should have listened to You, God. That's when You were letting me know, loud and clear, that You had other plans, better plans, for my evening.

I wasn't listening.

Suddenly, everyone was home and the house was active. Gary had the NASCAR race on in the room I was knitting in. Shannon decided that it was time to thoroughly clean Sheldon the Turtle's tank. Tracy arrived home from shopping with a big bag ready to show us what she bought. Meredith returned from a volleyball tournament excited to talk about it. Rick arrived home from a weekend snowboarding in Vermont with lots of laundry. During all this flourish of activity, the race got very exciting and Gary and Rick were shouting with excitement.

Now, what was Your Plan for me at this point, God? Probably to put the knitting aside, I was at the perfect place to stop, and join my family talking, cheering, cleaning the turtle's cage.

No! I had a plan and I intended to see it through! I intended to finish that cowl so I could wear it on Monday. I intended to wind three very large skeins of yarn into balls. I intended to get my next project onto the knitting needles. I was focused. I was persevering. I was stubborn. I was heading into trouble.

It was time to graft the cowl together. I had no idea how to do this, so I You Tubed it and, of course, found a video and began watching. Yes, in the middle of this joyful chaos, I was intent on watching the grafting video. Everyone was joyful, except me. I was beginning to get frustrated.

God, here again You were trying to get me on the right path. You were trying to save me. I still was not listening. Instead I picked up my knitting and my iPad, headed into my craft room where I abruptly set down my things, told my loving family to leave me be, and with great determination began to move at a rapid pace into knitting hell.

I watched my video, and I attempted to graft my project.

The yarn I was working with had tiny little sequins sewed into the yarn. They were what attracted me to the yarn in the first place. I loved these sparkly pink sequins. I used to love those sparkly pink sequins. Those teeny tiny not too many sequins became my enemies. I had to use a very long piece of yarn to graft the cowl closed. These tiny little monsters kept getting caught in the yarn and creating knots the size of ping-pong balls. By the time I untangled a knot I would forget where I left off in the four step grafting process. And, at this point, the cats caught sight of this tantalizing piece of yarn bobbing about. "Playtime!" they thought. Now, I am growling at my project, yelling at my family for attempting to include me in their conversation and still ignoring You,God. You couldn't have been any louder. I just refused to listen. My mind was made up and I was not altering my plan.

See those tiny little sequins? For such tiny little things they were huge problems!

The race was over. the turtle's home was sparkling clean, I was still grafting, untangling knots, holding the yarn up high so the cats couldn't get it and growling with frustration. My family ordered pizza. I kept on grafting. Well, I thought I was grafting. When I got to the end and held the piece up my frustration turned to sadness. The cowl was a mess and was beginning to unravel at both ends. Three months worth of knitting was slowly unraveling in my fist clenched hands.

God, now You finally got my attention!

Nearly in tears I set the piece down. Rick came in the room and asked what happened. I replied, "I was keeping with my plan when I should have let go. I was attempting to complete something when it was clearly not what God had planned for my Sunday evening."

I set the cowl down, got up and ate pizza with my family. I was finally on the right path. I could feel myself calming down. I enjoyed my family. I enjoyed my pizza. I enjoyed my glass of wine. I realized that I had caused my own problems. There was a wonderful joyful evening prepared for me, and I almost missed it all. Regretfully, I missed most of it.

God, You had provided me with wonderful knitting time. The knitting was complete. Now it was time to relax and enjoy my family. You would provide time for me to complete the rest. I did not need to hang onto my plan with both hands.

I will be more aware of the gifts You are putting in front of me.

Thank You, God, for not giving up on me last night or ever.

Thank You for my precious family, the greatest gift of all.

The unfinished bling cowl 

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